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In Today’s Economy Don’t Let Sleeping Dogs Lie. Find them a Job

Posted in Humor & Relationships, dog on Jan 21, 2009

dog in hard hat

by Kevin Fisher

Those of you who have met me in person know that I’m not from around here. I’m originally from the Yorkshire moors (in fact I was born in Morley…Moor Lee) …you know Heathcliffe, Wuthering Heights, the Bronte Sisters and all that. One of the great joys of growing up in that part of the world (apart from the freezing fog, lack of oral hygiene and paucity of sunlight) is that you are surrounded by some of the finest, smartest and happiest dogs in the world. I’m speaking of course about sheep herding dogs. It’s a joy to watch a shepherd and his team control a couple of hundred recalcitrant sheep with nothing more than a few whistles, innate genetics and a shared vision. Anyone who’s seen a border collie at work knows that there’s nothing that a dog appreciates more than being gainfully employed.

And in this economy there are worse ideas than finding your dog a job.

Here are a few fine occupations for dogs, some of them tongue in cheek and some a little more serious.

Billboard

A company called Promo dogs in, of all places Novosibirsk Siberia is paying dog owners to let their dogs be used as walking billboards. They agree to clothe their dogs in outfits provided by the company, of course the outfits feature advertising messages, logos and special offers on cell phones.

Local dog owner Natalia Mishkova, 28, who has a pet poodle said: "I signed up straight away. I walk my dog three times a day anyway so why not get paid for it?"

I would also imagine that in Novosibirsk Siberia (where temperates in January hover around -4°F) the dogs are grateful for any extra clothing they can get, with or without advertising. As absurd as this all sounds stop and think for a moment. , how many of the shirts, caps and sneakers you own are emblazoned with corporate logos…exactly how much is Nike paying you to advertise their brand all over town?

I would call that Dogs:1 Humans:0

Political Animal

In this year of great political change not many people know that one of the candidates had a very clear stand on employment for dogs. No not Obama or McCain, a candidate named Joe Wright made the following declarations:

"The other candidates have said that every American has to get out and work. No more guaranteed welfare. No more coddling. And yet, we are still letting sleeping dogs lie.I am speaking literally. For there are few tragedies so longstanding, and so widespread, as canine unemployment.I am Joe Wright. I believe in jobs for dogs. And with your help, I will be the next President of the United States of America."

Finally a candidate who’s focused on the real issues troubling our country. Of course the bad news is if you choose to count unemployed (or underemployed) dogs this adds another 61 million to the unemployment line. The good news is that they’re happy to take their unemployment pay in bones, treats and of course the occasional spritz of Fur Breeze Aromatic Spa mist to ensure that spirits remain high during difficult times

If you’d like to read more of Joe’s canine manifesto click here :

But Seriously

On a  more serious note there are the assistance dogs. Guide dogs for the blind, seizure dogs and our personal favorites: Canine Companions for Independence. Unfortunately this is probably not the best place to go looking for a job for your dog. These are highly screened, highly trained dogs chosen as puppies and trained for years to do the chosen task. I’ve been down to Canine Companions myself and seen the work they do restoring hope and joy to people’s lives. I can only wish that my own life could be that rewarding. (You’ll be happy to know that a portion of the profits from every sale we make at happytail s goes to this wonderful organization).

Security

And  let’s not forget the dogs who work in security helping to keep us safe. Millions of dollars and thousands of hours have been poured into research but we still haven’t developed an explosive and drug detector that’s more accurate than a dogs nose! And talk about a noble profession…when was the last time your sense of smell thwarted a terrorist attack? I’m happy when my sense of smell can detect a pint of soured milk let a lone a few stray atoms of Trinitrotoluene.

No matter what the task any dog who plans on working for a living has to look and smell their best;  it’s a dog eat dog world out there. If your prospective employee is off on an interview make sure they have the freshest breath possible with Dog Smog Remedy . Not only will it reduce embarrassing halitosis but It has the added advantage of helping to reduce gas…the plan is to wow the room with ability not clear the room with emissions.

Final Word

You will notice that there is no discussion of cats in this posting. I admit, I’m biased, I think that dogs are easily employable. As we’ve seen they can advertise, guide and apply their superior senses to a multitude of human endeavors. When it comes to cats it’s harder to imagine where they would be useful. After all, if we ever find ourselves in need of a creature who is unbelievably self absorbed, does nothing but groom themselves all day and who pays an inordinate amount of attention to their private parts..well we already have Paris Hilton. (Views expressed are not necessarily shared by happytails management!)

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8 Responses to “ In Today’s Economy Don’t Let Sleeping Dogs Lie. Find them a Job ”

  1. # 1 Potty Training Puppies (11 comments.) Says:

    I really enjoyed your post. You have to admit that all work dogs are amazing but my favorite are the assistance dogs.

  2. # 2 the three dog blogger (9 comments.) Says:

    Doggie advertising!

    That’s a classic.

  3. # 3 Stop Dog Biting (4 comments.) Says:

    I totally agree. Dogs are much more useful animals than cats, and cats are a bit narcissistic too.

  4. # 4 Pet Halitosis (1 comments.) Says:

    Bad breath, medically termed ‘halitosis,’ is a common problem reported by pet owners. The most common cause of halitosis is some sort of dental problem. Bacteria, saliva, and food particles can form plaque, which causes bad breath. This can further develop into gingivitis, or worse, periodontal disease, which will make the breath even more unpleasant.

  5. # 5 Kerriwyn Says:

    I have taught all my animals to answer questions by indicating yes or no, respectively. This includes my cats. I’d love to find a job for them, any ideas?

  6. # 6 Angela Fiorini (1 comments.) Says:

    Hi there,
    My little dog Max goes everywhere with me, to the bank, grocery store, Post office, Walgreens, Walmart, he even came to my Chemo treatment with me, every one Loves Max, he not only helped me get through the hardest time in my life but he also brighten up the Chemo room. The other patients just lite up when they saw Max come in. He would go to each and every patient, give them hello hugs and kisses and for a few moments, everyone forgot why they were there. Thankfully, I’m in remission…..I could have never done it without my faithful companion.
    I think he would make a great doggie billboard! And, I’m sure it would be a big hit at the Doggie park and walking trail.
    We also go to the local nursing home twice a week, the elderly just love him.
    I was wondering if I could get more info about Promo dogs. Max can do a lot of advertising in his travels!

    Thanks

  7. # 7 Dimond Says:

    If anyone has any ideas for my mastiff/ great dane or if u want to talk billboards let me know at blockhead316@yahoo.com

  8. # 8 web design miami (4 comments.) Says:

    I’d feel bad “exploiting” my dog. I mean I know using the dog as a model in some campaign is not going to hurt him but I’d feel awful knowing that I’m now taking better care of my dog simply because I want him to appear on a billboard/in commercial.

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