by Kevin Fisher

Those of you who have met me in person know that I’m not from around here. I’m originally from the Yorkshire moors (in fact I was born in Morley…Moor Lee) …you know Heathcliffe, Wuthering Heights, the Bronte Sisters and all that. One of the great joys of growing up in that part of the world (apart from the freezing fog, lack of oral hygiene and paucity of sunlight) is that you are surrounded by some of the finest, smartest and happiest dogs in the world. I’m speaking of course about sheep herding dogs. It’s a joy to watch a shepherd and his team control a couple of hundred recalcitrant sheep with nothing more than a few whistles, innate genetics and a shared vision. Anyone who’s seen a border collie at work knows that there’s nothing that a dog appreciates more than being gainfully employed.

And in this economy there are worse ideas than finding your dog a job.

Here are a few fine occupations for dogs, some of them tongue in cheek and some a little more serious.

Billboard

A company called Promo dogs in, of all places Novosibirsk Siberia is paying dog owners to let their dogs be used as walking billboards. They agree to clothe their dogs in outfits provided by the company, of course the outfits feature advertising messages, logos and special offers on cell phones.

Local dog owner Natalia Mishkova, 28, who has a pet poodle said: "I signed up straight away. I walk my dog three times a day anyway so why not get paid for it?"

I would also imagine that in Novosibirsk Siberia (where temperates in January hover around -4°F) the dogs are grateful for any extra clothing they can get, with or without advertising. As absurd as this all sounds stop and think for a moment. , how many of the shirts, caps and sneakers you own are emblazoned with corporate logos…exactly how much is Nike paying you to advertise their brand all over town?

I would call that Dogs:1 Humans:0

Political Animal

In this year of great political change not many people know that one of the candidates had a very clear stand on employment for dogs. No not Obama or McCain, a candidate named Joe Wright made the following declarations:

"The other candidates have said that every American has to get out and work. No more guaranteed welfare. No more coddling. And yet, we are still letting sleeping dogs lie.I am speaking literally. For there are few tragedies so longstanding, and so widespread, as canine unemployment.I am Joe Wright. I believe in jobs for dogs. And with your help, I will be the next President of the United States of America."

Finally a candidate who’s focused on the real issues troubling our country. Of course the bad news is if you choose to count unemployed (or underemployed) dogs this adds another 61 million to the unemployment line. The good news is that they’re happy to take their unemployment pay in bones, treats and of course the occasional spritz of Fur Breeze Aromatic Spa mist to ensure that spirits remain high during difficult times

If you’d like to read more of Joe’s canine manifesto click here :

But Seriously

On a  more serious note there are the assistance dogs. Guide dogs for the blind, seizure dogs and our personal favorites: Canine Companions for Independence. Unfortunately this is probably not the best place to go looking for a job for your dog. These are highly screened, highly trained dogs chosen as puppies and trained for years to do the chosen task. I’ve been down to Canine Companions myself and seen the work they do restoring hope and joy to people’s lives. I can only wish that my own life could be that rewarding. (You’ll be happy to know that a portion of the profits from every sale we make at happytail s goes to this wonderful organization).

Security

And  let’s not forget the dogs who work in security helping to keep us safe. Millions of dollars and thousands of hours have been poured into research but we still haven’t developed an explosive and drug detector that’s more accurate than a dogs nose! And talk about a noble profession…when was the last time your sense of smell thwarted a terrorist attack? I’m happy when my sense of smell can detect a pint of soured milk let a lone a few stray atoms of Trinitrotoluene.

No matter what the task any dog who plans on working for a living has to look and smell their best;  it’s a dog eat dog world out there. If your prospective employee is off on an interview make sure they have the freshest breath possible with Dog Smog Remedy . Not only will it reduce embarrassing halitosis but It has the added advantage of helping to reduce gas…the plan is to wow the room with ability not clear the room with emissions.

Final Word

You will notice that there is no discussion of cats in this posting. I admit, I’m biased, I think that dogs are easily employable. As we’ve seen they can advertise, guide and apply their superior senses to a multitude of human endeavors. When it comes to cats it’s harder to imagine where they would be useful. After all, if we ever find ourselves in need of a creature who is unbelievably self absorbed, does nothing but groom themselves all day and who pays an inordinate amount of attention to their private parts..well we already have Paris Hilton. (Views expressed are not necessarily shared by happytails management!)

Disguise Your Dirty Dog

I love when my dogs are smelling fresh and clean and looking white, bright and vibrant. However, there are those weeks when I just can’t wash them, due to cold weather, or just plain laziness.

Of course I am the one who suffers the consequences- less than aromatic odors wafting through the house, sand in the bed (I’m all for total body exfoliation but this is too much), a grubby muzzle, and a build-up of pet dander which in turn makes me sneeze.

There’s also the social stigma of having a dirty dog. On our daily walks I feel like such a bad pet parent as we walk by other dogs who are looking clean and pristine. I might as well have the scarlet "D" emblazoned across my chest. (D for Dirty!)

The good news is that I think I figured out how I can get away without bathing my dogs for a few extra days and not suffer the aforementioned consequences. Here are 4 steps in disguising your dirty dog.

1. Take 2 minutes to brush your dog. This will remove any loose debris.

2. Wipe your dog’s face with convenient Eye Pads to get rid of any eye gunk and a grubby muzzle- Eye Pads are pre-moistened towelettes that smell like lavender. You can also use them on your dogs ears and God forbid, to remove any poop cling-ons (people with long-haired dogs will understand)

3. Spray them with Dry Dog Instant Clean - it’s a spray on bath replacement (think dry shampoo) and has ingredients that will help eliminate those bad odors and leave a nice clean smell.

4. Here’s the real secret weapon- put a t-shirt on your dog. This will disguise how manky your dog really looks. All people will notice is their nice clean face and pleasant smell. I know, most of you guys and some girls are thinking that you don’t want to dress your dog for fear of looking like a dork. Well, we’re not suggesting that you dress them in a tutu but a practical and fun t-shirt that is comfortable and funny. We like the ones from RuffRuffandmeow and no, we aren’t getting paid to say that!

Now you know my secrets. So when we see each other walking down the street with clothed dogs, we can just give each other knowing looks and keep right on walking.

Top five signs that she loves her dog more than you
A man’s guide to winning the Fluff Wars!

by Kevin Fisher

We’ve all been there, your relationship is chugging along nicely and then all of a sudden she meets someone new. Suddenly you’ve been replaced! By whom? George Clooney? George Bush? George of the Jungle? Whoever he is he’s a bum! he’s a weasel! He’s a rat! Sadly he’s none of the above. In fact he’s a she (Sacre Bleu) and he’s a dog!

Overnight your drooling, panting and inappropriate scratching has been replaced by… well drooling panting and inappropriate scratching… emanating from a 6 pound ball of fur and frolic named Fluffy!

How can you possibly compete? It’s been many decades since you were described as cute, you are not in the least bit fluffy (in fact you are virtually hairless) and worst of all you resist all of her efforts to dress you up in adorable little outfits and parade you through the town.

In the interests of relationship harmony and progress I offer The top five signs that she loves her dog more than you (and a few suggestions on how you can defend against them) .

Sign #1. The Pick up problem . She’s delighted to watch her new love poop on the sidewalk. She picks up the "leavings" with pride and delight (no matter how runny they are), but ask her to pick up your DRY cleaning and whoa…that’s way too much trouble.

Sign #2. Sleeping Dogs . Now the sleeping arrangements revolve around her new love’s habits and peccadillos. Of course the little fluff-ball prefers to sleep between the two of you (and what the fluff-ball wants the fluff-ball gets). Before you can say "flannel nightgown" you’re victim of the dreaded "Canine Contraceptive" which ensures the end of your sex life, the end of your happiness and of course the end of your lineage. Your counter move? Sleepytime Tonic ! a few drops in the dog’s mouth before bedtime will ensure that sleeping dogs do indeed lie. And while fluffy gets down to some serious snoozy business you can get up to some well deserved monkey business! (if you want to extend the animal metaphors this would be a great time to try doggie style)

Sign #3. Holiday Blues . It’s Christmas morning, she and the dog have already spent an hour opening one anothers gifts. You arise in anticipation of a wonderful morning, skip downstairs with visions of sugarplums dancing in your head. there they are in the middle of the living room floor, she looks up from a 6 foot pile of paper, toys chews and treats and tells you she completely forgot to buy you anything… but here, would you like a nice chewable bone? Before you go ballistic why not try a little Calming Aromatherapy Spritzer . Spray a little on Fluffy (you’ll get big points for helping to make her coat soft and manageable) the essential oil of lavender will help to keep you all calm, mellow and full of the Christmas spirit…well at least you will be if you add several glasses of highly alcoholic egg nog.

Sign #4. How does that make you feel? She suspects that Fluffy has serious mental issues that will take months of therapy to overcome. (while your slavish devotion to the Cleveland Browns goes completely untreated) They can’t be apart for more than a few seconds or risk permanent and irreversible trauma. On the other hand she keeps on forgetting your name, or worse, calling you Fluffy (needless to say not your actual name). My advice? A quick spritz of Shimmering Mist . The finishing spray not only smells marvelous but imparts a memorable hint of glitter to the dogs coat.

Sign#5 Speaking of therapy . The dog gets Reiki massages daily and spends 55 minutes every other week discussing his feelings with a trained professional..topics covered include food, poop, and sleep…in fact they’re the only topics ever discussed. that wouldn’t be so bad if not for the fact that that seems to be all SHE talks about these days!

In conclusion. If you are the victim of any of these scenarios you have my sympathies. Fluff wars rarely end well (remember the great Maltese conflict of 1695 or the Boxer rebellion of 1899) you really only have two options: either find a new girl or if you’re really smart and want to fight fire with fire (or fluff with fluff) go out and get your own dog! I suggest a nice Bichon, chihuahua or French Poodle, something small and fluffy…well if this relationship doesn’t work out it’s always a good idea to have your very own chick magnet!

Activities to Keep Your Dog Busy

by Frances McCaskill

Dogs are social, active creatures that like people need attention, activity, structure and in many cases a job! Without daily interaction with your dog trouble will ensue! Bored and neglected dogs get frustrated which can manifest itself in a variety of ways to include acting out with behavior problems by being destructive in the home, not to mention health issues such as being over weight and depressed.

A while ago I adopted a nine-year-old Queensland Heeler who was clearly down in the dumps. She had spent the last few years left to her own devices in the back yard, excluded from family life in the house, she was only walked occasionally. She was overweight, her coat was dull and she seemed older than her years. My heart went out to this girl, especially when I found out in addition to being in bad condition she suffered from acute separation anxiety .

This was a very intelligent dog that needed some life and a sense of purpose breathed back into her, so it became my mission to cheer her up. Hiking became a part of our daily routine, the exercise did us both good. After she relentlessly shoved tennis balls in my lap I discovered she was a ballaholic, so then came regular trips to the dog park where I stood endlessly throwing the ball for an exuberant dog! As a herding breed her true calling was to herd cattle, so off we went to herding classes where she got to round up sheep. Now we had a hobby together that we both looked forward to. Within a matter of months this down trodden dog was transformed and I had developed a great bond with her. The years and the weight seemed to melt off her, there was sheen to her coat and a glint in her eyes, her energy was back and so was her confidence!

When we make that commitment to bring a dog into our lives it is vital that we provide daily activity and stimulation for this member of the family. There are all kinds of activities that can be incorporated into your lifestyle and daily exercise routine, the level and type of activity best suited to the dog will be determined by the breed of dog. For example a Border Collie has a lot of energy and requires a great deal of physical and mental activity, they excel in both agility and herding as it challenges them mentally and physically. On the other hand a Basset Hound has a low energy level and would be satisfied with a mild day walk. In return for providing daily activity to your dog’s life you will be greatly rewarded by the bond that you develop with your dog, you will also benefit from living with a happy, healthy, confident and well mannered dog. Who knows, you may even discover a new hobby together!

Here are a few activity suggestions for you and your canine companion:

Dog Park – A daily trip to the local dog park is a great way to socialize your dog, particularly beneficial for dogs that are left alone all day, they can run around off leash, play ball, tug of war, hang out with their buddies!

Hiking – Whether it’s a stroll in the neighborhood or a hike in the hills every dog needs to get out and about in new surroundings, exercise, take in the new smells, mark its territory and greet dogs along its path.

Running – Need a running partner, interested in cross-country running? Certain dogs can fulfill this role and will provide great camaraderie.

The Beach – I have yet to meet a dog that does not enjoy a good invigorating run on the sand, play with the tide, chase the birds, what Retriever doesn’t like to swim and fetch a stick from the water? Don’t forget to bring some Dry Dog Instant Clean to wipe your dog down and get rid of the sand afterward. Click here for more info about taking your dog to the beach.

Rollerblading - Leash up and rollerblade with your dog, off road of course! Great for high-energy dogs that benefit from a daily run. Only recommended for people that are adept skaters!

Sheep Herding – A fantastic sport for the herding breeds who were bred to herd livestock and without fulfilling this instinct and the need to be mentally stimulated can become a challenging companion.

Agility – A fast moving sport where dogs are directed off leash by their handlers through a obstacle course to include the A-frame, dog-walk, weave poles, seesaw, pause table, collapsed tunnel, pipe tunnel, different types of jumps and hurdles to include a tire, triple and double jumps. This sport does wonders for building confidence, obedience and teamwork skills.

Obedience Classes – Weekly classes are very beneficial for teaching your dogs good manners, every dog should learn basic commands for both practical and safety reasons. Hyper dogs may have a hard time focusing, we suggest trying Sleepytime Tonic so that your dog gets the most out of his class.

Massage – What better way to bond with your dog by showing your love for him by giving him a massage. This can be enhanced by the soothing smells of lavender by spraying your dog with Calming Aromatherapy Spritzer .

Therapy - Enroll your dog in a class to become certified as a therapy dog. Friendly, confident, calm, patient dogs ideally suited for this job. As a therapy dog the pair of you will visit nursing homes and hospitals to interact with the patients to bring joy to their day. Just google ‘therapy dogs’ for more info. A dog that enjoys petting and hugs will be greatly rewarded!

Bubbles n Beads Shampoo & conditioner contains gentle ingredients to help remove doggie odor

Getting Rid of Doggie Odor

Few things are guaranteed to brighten my day more than a huge furry cuddle with my dogs, and I admit that I love that fresh, clean dog smell. But if your canine pal smells far from fresh, the last thing you want is a display of pet affection, so what do you do when your dog (to put it politely) stinks? Bad odor can be a symptom of many different conditions, and determining the cause is key to finding a cure.

One of the simplest, and often overlooked, causes of a smelly dog is their curious nature. Has Buddy been rolling in something you’d rather not think about? Perhaps that dead squirrel in the garden? Or has a skunk been on the defensive? Luckily, as foul as these may smell, they are easily treated by a good bath and no medical intervention is needed. A tomato juice bath is widely reputed to remove skunk smell.

Other smells may be signs of an infection. For example:

• Bad breath may indicate gum disease or dental decay, or a more serious condition such as diabetes or kidney problems.
• Stinky ears can be a sign of mites, allergies, or some other chronic infection.
• Smelly skin may be the result of a bacterial (pyoderma) or fungal (dermatitis) infection. Bacterial infections, sometimes accompanied by hair loss and pimples, are usually easily treated. Bubbles’n’Beads , a shampoo and conditioner, contains antibacterial tea tree and lavender oils to remove the odor and replace it with something more nose-friendly.
• Yeast infections, on the other hand, may be caused by allergies or a reaction to steroids or antibiotics. Finding the underlying cause is an essential part of treating the infection.

Then of course, there are those smells that are released from your dog’s other end.

• There is little mistaking the strong smell caused by blocked anal glands but a vet can show you how to safely empty them.
• Flatulence can also cause problems. Some gas may be normal but frequently occurring emissions can be caused by food allergies, in which case a change of diet will help. Some Dog Smog Remedy , a breath freshener and digestive solution added to your pet’s drinking water can aid bad breath or gas by neutralizing digestive enzymes.

Once the source of the odor has been found, you can work on getting rid of it. In the case of infection or allergy, it may take some time for treatment to work or a change of diet to take effect, but there are still steps you can take to help reduce the bad smell in the meantime. Dry Dog Instant Clean , a spray on bath replacement or dry shampoo,  offers an alternative to frequent washing, and Fur Breeze can be used to help remove smells or whenever your dog wants to smell a little fancy.

Sometimes just giving your dog a bath does the trick. If you didn’t take a bath for 3 months you might be smelly too! There are lots of opinions on how often you should bathe your dog but if you’re like me, I sleep with my dog, so I prefer to wash my dogs weekly. Many people shy away from it for fear of drying out their dog’s coat. But there are many high quality dog shampoos available that will not dry out the coat so it’s probably worth the wash to avoid the unbearable doggie smell!

Serious dog odor shouldn’t be ignored (and most of us can’t ignore it for long), but once the underlying cause has been discovered, there are plenty of treatments and products available to ensure that you are soon enjoying cuddles with your pet again.