Love is in the air… or is that gas?

This is the time of year when you want to get closer to your canine companion (& backup Valentine’s date) and nothing helps that closeness more than a fresh-smelling,  gas-free dog. Happytails Canine Spa Line offers up their ‘ Be My Valentine ’ Collection  which includes everything dog owners need to get their furry friends Valentine-ready. (Believe it or not, over 2.5 million Americans buy Valentine’s Gifts for their dogs)

The Be My Valentine Collection includes four travel-sized products that eliminate turn offs such as bad breath and BO all while adding a subtle hint of sparkle, shine and eau d’ cologne.

• Is your dog’s gas making you a little nauseous? It’s not his fault; he needs some Dog Smog Remedy to get the two of you close again.  Spearmint, peppermint and fennel will freshen the breath while digestive enzymes of bromalain and papain will ease the gaseous emissions.

• Does your dog need some Sparkle & Shine to get the sizzle back between the two of you?  Shimmering Mist is a finishing spray that not only smells good enough to eat but will add significant amounts of bling to your dog’s coat so she’s ready for an evening out.

• If your dog’s coat has faded a bit over the years (and whose hasn’t?) might we recommend Sparkle & Shine Brightening Shampoo ? It will bring back the bling and refresh the shine of even the dullest coat. Pearlescent brighteners add shine, while yogurt & honey not only condition the skin but smell delicious.

• Fur Breeze (Citrus Vanilla) This freshen-up spray is a must have for the modern muttrosexual. More than just a pretty scent, Fur Breeze contains ingredients that capture and eliminate unpleasant odors leaving your better half refreshed, renewed and ready for his hectic dog-park duties.

Los Angeles-based happytails creates eco-friendly spa, grooming and wellness products for the modern dog. We use the finest (“better than human quality”) ingredients to solve the toughest problems that dogs face, like itchy skin, tear stains and bad breath. Happytails is sold and recommended by veterinarians around the world for one simple reason- they work, naturally!

by Kevin Fisher

Those of you who have met me in person know that I’m not from around here. I’m originally from the Yorkshire moors (in fact I was born in Morley…Moor Lee) …you know Heathcliffe, Wuthering Heights, the Bronte Sisters and all that. One of the great joys of growing up in that part of the world (apart from the freezing fog, lack of oral hygiene and paucity of sunlight) is that you are surrounded by some of the finest, smartest and happiest dogs in the world. I’m speaking of course about sheep herding dogs. It’s a joy to watch a shepherd and his team control a couple of hundred recalcitrant sheep with nothing more than a few whistles, innate genetics and a shared vision. Anyone who’s seen a border collie at work knows that there’s nothing that a dog appreciates more than being gainfully employed.

And in this economy there are worse ideas than finding your dog a job.

Here are a few fine occupations for dogs, some of them tongue in cheek and some a little more serious.

Billboard

A company called Promo dogs in, of all places Novosibirsk Siberia is paying dog owners to let their dogs be used as walking billboards. They agree to clothe their dogs in outfits provided by the company, of course the outfits feature advertising messages, logos and special offers on cell phones.

Local dog owner Natalia Mishkova, 28, who has a pet poodle said: "I signed up straight away. I walk my dog three times a day anyway so why not get paid for it?"

I would also imagine that in Novosibirsk Siberia (where temperates in January hover around -4°F) the dogs are grateful for any extra clothing they can get, with or without advertising. As absurd as this all sounds stop and think for a moment. , how many of the shirts, caps and sneakers you own are emblazoned with corporate logos…exactly how much is Nike paying you to advertise their brand all over town?

I would call that Dogs:1 Humans:0

Political Animal

In this year of great political change not many people know that one of the candidates had a very clear stand on employment for dogs. No not Obama or McCain, a candidate named Joe Wright made the following declarations:

"The other candidates have said that every American has to get out and work. No more guaranteed welfare. No more coddling. And yet, we are still letting sleeping dogs lie.I am speaking literally. For there are few tragedies so longstanding, and so widespread, as canine unemployment.I am Joe Wright. I believe in jobs for dogs. And with your help, I will be the next President of the United States of America."

Finally a candidate who’s focused on the real issues troubling our country. Of course the bad news is if you choose to count unemployed (or underemployed) dogs this adds another 61 million to the unemployment line. The good news is that they’re happy to take their unemployment pay in bones, treats and of course the occasional spritz of Fur Breeze Aromatic Spa mist to ensure that spirits remain high during difficult times

If you’d like to read more of Joe’s canine manifesto click here :

But Seriously

On a  more serious note there are the assistance dogs. Guide dogs for the blind, seizure dogs and our personal favorites: Canine Companions for Independence. Unfortunately this is probably not the best place to go looking for a job for your dog. These are highly screened, highly trained dogs chosen as puppies and trained for years to do the chosen task. I’ve been down to Canine Companions myself and seen the work they do restoring hope and joy to people’s lives. I can only wish that my own life could be that rewarding. (You’ll be happy to know that a portion of the profits from every sale we make at happytail s goes to this wonderful organization).

Security

And  let’s not forget the dogs who work in security helping to keep us safe. Millions of dollars and thousands of hours have been poured into research but we still haven’t developed an explosive and drug detector that’s more accurate than a dogs nose! And talk about a noble profession…when was the last time your sense of smell thwarted a terrorist attack? I’m happy when my sense of smell can detect a pint of soured milk let a lone a few stray atoms of Trinitrotoluene.

No matter what the task any dog who plans on working for a living has to look and smell their best;  it’s a dog eat dog world out there. If your prospective employee is off on an interview make sure they have the freshest breath possible with Dog Smog Remedy . Not only will it reduce embarrassing halitosis but It has the added advantage of helping to reduce gas…the plan is to wow the room with ability not clear the room with emissions.

Final Word

You will notice that there is no discussion of cats in this posting. I admit, I’m biased, I think that dogs are easily employable. As we’ve seen they can advertise, guide and apply their superior senses to a multitude of human endeavors. When it comes to cats it’s harder to imagine where they would be useful. After all, if we ever find ourselves in need of a creature who is unbelievably self absorbed, does nothing but groom themselves all day and who pays an inordinate amount of attention to their private parts..well we already have Paris Hilton. (Views expressed are not necessarily shared by happytails management!)

Disguise Your Dirty Dog

I love when my dogs are smelling fresh and clean and looking white, bright and vibrant. However, there are those weeks when I just can’t wash them, due to cold weather, or just plain laziness.

Of course I am the one who suffers the consequences- less than aromatic odors wafting through the house, sand in the bed (I’m all for total body exfoliation but this is too much), a grubby muzzle, and a build-up of pet dander which in turn makes me sneeze.

There’s also the social stigma of having a dirty dog. On our daily walks I feel like such a bad pet parent as we walk by other dogs who are looking clean and pristine. I might as well have the scarlet "D" emblazoned across my chest. (D for Dirty!)

The good news is that I think I figured out how I can get away without bathing my dogs for a few extra days and not suffer the aforementioned consequences. Here are 4 steps in disguising your dirty dog.

1. Take 2 minutes to brush your dog. This will remove any loose debris.

2. Wipe your dog’s face with convenient Eye Pads to get rid of any eye gunk and a grubby muzzle- Eye Pads are pre-moistened towelettes that smell like lavender. You can also use them on your dogs ears and God forbid, to remove any poop cling-ons (people with long-haired dogs will understand)

3. Spray them with Dry Dog Instant Clean - it’s a spray on bath replacement (think dry shampoo) and has ingredients that will help eliminate those bad odors and leave a nice clean smell.

4. Here’s the real secret weapon- put a t-shirt on your dog. This will disguise how manky your dog really looks. All people will notice is their nice clean face and pleasant smell. I know, most of you guys and some girls are thinking that you don’t want to dress your dog for fear of looking like a dork. Well, we’re not suggesting that you dress them in a tutu but a practical and fun t-shirt that is comfortable and funny. We like the ones from RuffRuffandmeow and no, we aren’t getting paid to say that!

Now you know my secrets. So when we see each other walking down the street with clothed dogs, we can just give each other knowing looks and keep right on walking.

Top five signs that she loves her dog more than you
A man’s guide to winning the Fluff Wars!

by Kevin Fisher

We’ve all been there, your relationship is chugging along nicely and then all of a sudden she meets someone new. Suddenly you’ve been replaced! By whom? George Clooney? George Bush? George of the Jungle? Whoever he is he’s a bum! he’s a weasel! He’s a rat! Sadly he’s none of the above. In fact he’s a she (Sacre Bleu) and he’s a dog!

Overnight your drooling, panting and inappropriate scratching has been replaced by… well drooling panting and inappropriate scratching… emanating from a 6 pound ball of fur and frolic named Fluffy!

How can you possibly compete? It’s been many decades since you were described as cute, you are not in the least bit fluffy (in fact you are virtually hairless) and worst of all you resist all of her efforts to dress you up in adorable little outfits and parade you through the town.

In the interests of relationship harmony and progress I offer The top five signs that she loves her dog more than you (and a few suggestions on how you can defend against them) .

Sign #1. The Pick up problem . She’s delighted to watch her new love poop on the sidewalk. She picks up the "leavings" with pride and delight (no matter how runny they are), but ask her to pick up your DRY cleaning and whoa…that’s way too much trouble.

Sign #2. Sleeping Dogs . Now the sleeping arrangements revolve around her new love’s habits and peccadillos. Of course the little fluff-ball prefers to sleep between the two of you (and what the fluff-ball wants the fluff-ball gets). Before you can say "flannel nightgown" you’re victim of the dreaded "Canine Contraceptive" which ensures the end of your sex life, the end of your happiness and of course the end of your lineage. Your counter move? Sleepytime Tonic ! a few drops in the dog’s mouth before bedtime will ensure that sleeping dogs do indeed lie. And while fluffy gets down to some serious snoozy business you can get up to some well deserved monkey business! (if you want to extend the animal metaphors this would be a great time to try doggie style)

Sign #3. Holiday Blues . It’s Christmas morning, she and the dog have already spent an hour opening one anothers gifts. You arise in anticipation of a wonderful morning, skip downstairs with visions of sugarplums dancing in your head. there they are in the middle of the living room floor, she looks up from a 6 foot pile of paper, toys chews and treats and tells you she completely forgot to buy you anything… but here, would you like a nice chewable bone? Before you go ballistic why not try a little Calming Aromatherapy Spritzer . Spray a little on Fluffy (you’ll get big points for helping to make her coat soft and manageable) the essential oil of lavender will help to keep you all calm, mellow and full of the Christmas spirit…well at least you will be if you add several glasses of highly alcoholic egg nog.

Sign #4. How does that make you feel? She suspects that Fluffy has serious mental issues that will take months of therapy to overcome. (while your slavish devotion to the Cleveland Browns goes completely untreated) They can’t be apart for more than a few seconds or risk permanent and irreversible trauma. On the other hand she keeps on forgetting your name, or worse, calling you Fluffy (needless to say not your actual name). My advice? A quick spritz of Shimmering Mist . The finishing spray not only smells marvelous but imparts a memorable hint of glitter to the dogs coat.

Sign#5 Speaking of therapy . The dog gets Reiki massages daily and spends 55 minutes every other week discussing his feelings with a trained professional..topics covered include food, poop, and sleep…in fact they’re the only topics ever discussed. that wouldn’t be so bad if not for the fact that that seems to be all SHE talks about these days!

In conclusion. If you are the victim of any of these scenarios you have my sympathies. Fluff wars rarely end well (remember the great Maltese conflict of 1695 or the Boxer rebellion of 1899) you really only have two options: either find a new girl or if you’re really smart and want to fight fire with fire (or fluff with fluff) go out and get your own dog! I suggest a nice Bichon, chihuahua or French Poodle, something small and fluffy…well if this relationship doesn’t work out it’s always a good idea to have your very own chick magnet!

By Kevin Fisher

As we bask in the afterglow of our 700 day, $2.5 Billion dollar presidential campaign we find the blogosphere obsessed with a single issue. Foreign policy changes? Economic crisis? Wall Street Bailout? No, the burning issue of the day is of course “What kind of dog should the next president get? “After putting an African-American in the White House it seems that our next job is to put a Canine American in the family’s quarters.

If you don’t know the story, President-elect Obama promised his daughters that after the election they would get a dog. (Already he’s demonstrating leadership and initiative; we all know that there’s nothing better than a bribe dog to keep the kids happy.)

The first family-elect is being inundated with opinions about the best breed of dog for them but being in the industry myself I thought I’d add my two cents. And being a contrarian I’ll discuss not the best dogs for the first family but the worst.

Smart Dogs.

Not a good idea to get a really smart dog. We’ve already seen with the Bush Baked Bean fiasco (the brand not the president) how one smart dog can subvert an empire. And I think most of us already know that Barney wins most of the tugs of war with the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Foreign Breeds .

Also an iffy call. Surely we’d all feel more comfortable with a good Canine American in the White House. Think about it, Chinese Crested, Swiss Mountain Dogs, Australian cattle dogs all so closely affiliated with foreign powers! To have such foreign agents so close to the seat of power (probably even sniffing the seat of power!) may not be the best idea. How could we be sure of their loyalties, that they wouldn’t turn around and sell state secrets to their home countries at the drop of a hat? I know this sounds farfetched but mark my words- if you see the president walking through the Rose Garden with a West Highland Terrier don’t be surprised to discover that Scotland has the bomb and is not afraid to use it.

Politically Expedient.

On the other hand there are some foreign breeds that would help to strengthen ties with friends and allies. An Afghan Hound, Italian Greyhound or German Shephard would work wonders in restoring our image overseas and cost billions less than foreign aid. There is, as far as I can see, only one glaring exception to this rule; “Please Mr. President, I beg of you, Step away from the French Poodle”

Oh No He Didn’t.

Common sense says there are some breeds that would be a definite no no. Imagine the scene at the first White house press conference when the reporter stands up and asks in a strong clear voice “Mr President, is it true that you have a Giant Schnauzer” (And it would be even more embarrassing if they had chosen the Miniature Schnauzer)

Whichever Dog the Obama’s Choose

I’m sure they’ll be wise enough to adopt a rescue dog and take care of it with only the best products. Like other celebrities and world leaders they’ll probably choose happytails Canine Spa Line to make sure that the presidential dog is never scratching or licking in inappropriate places and that he (or she) always looks, feels and smells his/her best.

I’m no lawyer, but I think the Constitution mandates that after the Vice President and Speaker of the House, the president’s dog is next in line for the job. So pick carefully Mr. President your dog will be only two heartbeats and a butt sniff away from the presidency.